Tomorrow begins my 1 week until Women's World Magazine release countdown. I am very nervous and I'm just as much in the dark as everyone else. Nope, I have not read the article or seen any of the images that could be used. I'm very concerned as to how it will turn out and what might be used out my interview. It was only a 1 hr interview that I gave over the phone. I just hope that it inspires others and doesn't make me look like a fake or a jerk. Gosh, I'm saying this now and there is no way to know how it will turn out. You wouldn't believe I have social anxiety now would you?
The last week I've been trying to cram extra books in. I finished Gone With the Wind, read Remember Me, and TORE through The Fault In Our Stars. I'm now on to The City of Heavenly Fire so I can finish out the Mortal Instruments series. I have no idea what I'll read next. But I must say, I'd recommend The Fault In Our Stars and Remember Me. If you like historical romance, it's not overly smutty, but unless you can't see and ending before it happens you'll be able to figure the ending out fast and still want to stick with it.
I've also been cramming in extra miles and most have been done at the local state park. They have a 3 mile track which I found amazing. Big thanks to my sister and her friend Jackie for having us along. The path is black top, but it has great views and I love all the fresh air I'm getting something I don't get on the treadmill. We went out on a Saturday and I loved it so much that the hubs tagged along with me and the kids and we did the trail again on Monday. The kids we're not as thrilled the second time around LOL Guess we'll be going back with a stroller since the wagon isn't big enough and none of the 3 can handle more than a mile. I've heard that literally dragging a kid along behind you is frowned upon.
It's been nearly a month now with our pet tortoise. Toothless is doing well. I've notice lots of growth on the top shell and it's eating and doing everything else it should. I guess we'll have it around for a lot longer. That just means I have to stay healthy because the little guy or gal should live about 40 to 50 years or more. LOL Gotta love a challenge right?
Work is still incredibly hectic. They have not replaced my friend Mary who passed in May, so I'm still filling in where I can. I still miss her so much. Today her family contacted us to tell us about her autopsy results. A brain aneurysm. More than anything I'd like to believe her passing was quick and painless. It's just so hard to believe she's gone. I still hear her laugh. I still expect to see her smile. I miss her stopping at my window to chat me up for 10 mins or so. Death is just to final, but I wouldn't wish a slow, lingering, pain filled death on her or anyone. God bless her. Miss you Mary <3
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Burning my candle at both ends
I haven't written in weeks and I'm sorry. I feel like I've lost so much. But since the death of my friend and coworker I've been doubling my work load and taking on hours I'm not used to. Eventually her job will be filled and I can resume my normal schedule, but for now I'm working days and afternoons and it's hard to work a day shift and come home and work out. My FitBit shows the sad tale and I feel horrible. And with all the rain in Michigan lately I've been in an emotional slump. But, I better start trying to fill in my month.
The first week of June our daughter's kinder class put on a spring concert/graduation. I felt horrible because we had the boys there, they would not sit still (that's normal), and Grace refused to sing in front of people. She told us later that she had a sore throat, that kids were too close to her and finally that she was afraid of people hearing her sing. AND to top off the whole horrible ordeal my ex bf and his baby momma were there because our daughters are in the same class. Now that's a long story, but just to sum it up we were never married, but we dated for 6 years, and I thought marriage was eventual. Our break up was mutual and was due to conflicting opinions on religion etc. I bear him no ill will, however, seeing him is still painful and embarrassing. I keep praying that my weight loss will disguise me and he will walk by and never know it's me. Unrealistic right?
June 7/8 were the Monroe Relay for Life. It was my first year participating with them and my 3rd Relay year. The size was amazing and the event was great overall. I was very pleased with the turnout. However, that ended when my husband quickly handed me my small purse and told me we were out of there because we were being targeted by a purse thief. I didn't notify anyone as we were on our way out and my husband was the one who witnessed the suspicious activity. Well, I wanted to be at a larger event. I guess it's back to Flat Rock next year or that ends Relay for me.
Father's day is another reason I was in a slump this month. It's a constant reminder to me that I am fatherless. I have many father figures, my grandfather (he's been the best father figure ever, props to him), my sister's father who acted as my father for 11 years until his divorce from my mother separated us, and my father in law who raised my amazing husband. But despite all of them I long for my birth father. He is alive. I know where he is. But I cannot make contact with him. The details of that long and sad story should remain locked in my head until I die, but I suppose one day I'll grow weak and seek him out just to put to rest all hopes that I have that he wanted me, that he was really a good person despite his fall from grace blah blah blah. Regardless, it puts me into a deep depression every year.
The final straw that broke the camel's back this month was my recent dentist trip to have my second wisdom tooth worked on. That appointment had me on edge anyway since my daughter was in the opposite chair having a small cavity taken care of. BUT this was my second visit for my wisdom teeth so I was calm about my own procedure. That was my first mistake. The same dentist/hygienist who took care of her also took care of me and her treatment of my daughter was fine, but she didn't numb me up as well as I needed, and our session was a nightmare. When she went in I honest to God felt pain and since my hands were on my chest I flung them wide. She panicked because she though I was trying to grab her which led to her reacting aggressively with me. Needless to say, I had to lay there while she berated me and told me how I should have acted, what she says I actually felt, which in her opinion was nothing and that I overreacted. Meanwhile, she's going to town on my tooth and it's hurting like heck and my eyes are pooling tears. After she was done she proceeded to tell me how to speak to my daughter about our next visit and that I should perhaps plan better so that I'm not in the chair after my kid so that I'm not already stressed out to prevent further incidents like the one I just had! I've never in my life been so embarrassed and humiliated. I'm looking for a new dentist now.
My month hasn't been all negative.
Grace graduated from kinder and her final grades from the state show she's doing extremely well in math. Far above state levels. Her reading level is what they call "middle of first grade" but she seems to be following her father's path, not mine, so that's to be expected. I went language and Bill did exceedingly well in math etc. I'm looking forward greatly to see where she goes in life. I encourage her to do anything she wants but I stress the importance of finishing school and getting a college degree.
We recently acquired a new pet, a redfoot tortoise named Toothless. It's still a baby and we won't know the gender for years but for the most part, I'm thinking it's male. It certainly acts brave, while I hear females are more shy and reserved. But time will tell. Here is a pic of my baby
The first week of June our daughter's kinder class put on a spring concert/graduation. I felt horrible because we had the boys there, they would not sit still (that's normal), and Grace refused to sing in front of people. She told us later that she had a sore throat, that kids were too close to her and finally that she was afraid of people hearing her sing. AND to top off the whole horrible ordeal my ex bf and his baby momma were there because our daughters are in the same class. Now that's a long story, but just to sum it up we were never married, but we dated for 6 years, and I thought marriage was eventual. Our break up was mutual and was due to conflicting opinions on religion etc. I bear him no ill will, however, seeing him is still painful and embarrassing. I keep praying that my weight loss will disguise me and he will walk by and never know it's me. Unrealistic right?
June 7/8 were the Monroe Relay for Life. It was my first year participating with them and my 3rd Relay year. The size was amazing and the event was great overall. I was very pleased with the turnout. However, that ended when my husband quickly handed me my small purse and told me we were out of there because we were being targeted by a purse thief. I didn't notify anyone as we were on our way out and my husband was the one who witnessed the suspicious activity. Well, I wanted to be at a larger event. I guess it's back to Flat Rock next year or that ends Relay for me.
Father's day is another reason I was in a slump this month. It's a constant reminder to me that I am fatherless. I have many father figures, my grandfather (he's been the best father figure ever, props to him), my sister's father who acted as my father for 11 years until his divorce from my mother separated us, and my father in law who raised my amazing husband. But despite all of them I long for my birth father. He is alive. I know where he is. But I cannot make contact with him. The details of that long and sad story should remain locked in my head until I die, but I suppose one day I'll grow weak and seek him out just to put to rest all hopes that I have that he wanted me, that he was really a good person despite his fall from grace blah blah blah. Regardless, it puts me into a deep depression every year.
The final straw that broke the camel's back this month was my recent dentist trip to have my second wisdom tooth worked on. That appointment had me on edge anyway since my daughter was in the opposite chair having a small cavity taken care of. BUT this was my second visit for my wisdom teeth so I was calm about my own procedure. That was my first mistake. The same dentist/hygienist who took care of her also took care of me and her treatment of my daughter was fine, but she didn't numb me up as well as I needed, and our session was a nightmare. When she went in I honest to God felt pain and since my hands were on my chest I flung them wide. She panicked because she though I was trying to grab her which led to her reacting aggressively with me. Needless to say, I had to lay there while she berated me and told me how I should have acted, what she says I actually felt, which in her opinion was nothing and that I overreacted. Meanwhile, she's going to town on my tooth and it's hurting like heck and my eyes are pooling tears. After she was done she proceeded to tell me how to speak to my daughter about our next visit and that I should perhaps plan better so that I'm not in the chair after my kid so that I'm not already stressed out to prevent further incidents like the one I just had! I've never in my life been so embarrassed and humiliated. I'm looking for a new dentist now.
My month hasn't been all negative.
Grace graduated from kinder and her final grades from the state show she's doing extremely well in math. Far above state levels. Her reading level is what they call "middle of first grade" but she seems to be following her father's path, not mine, so that's to be expected. I went language and Bill did exceedingly well in math etc. I'm looking forward greatly to see where she goes in life. I encourage her to do anything she wants but I stress the importance of finishing school and getting a college degree.
We recently acquired a new pet, a redfoot tortoise named Toothless. It's still a baby and we won't know the gender for years but for the most part, I'm thinking it's male. It certainly acts brave, while I hear females are more shy and reserved. But time will tell. Here is a pic of my baby
I will finish things up by saying that though I haven't made huge goals on my FitBit I have maintained my weight despite water weight fluctuations. I have been walking on my treadmill or outside with the kids. Our wagon shows heavy wear on the tires despite the fact that it's only a year old (LOL that is an accomplishment I think). I recently went on a walk with my sister and her friend at the local state park. It was lovely. I was very afraid that the kids would slow us down so I did my best despite their stops to keep the pace. Even after all our stops we still did a 3 mile or more trail in 57 mins. Not bad. I went home and did another hour on the treadmill. Today I'm sore so I'll be finishing up a book and hopefully starting The Fault in Our Stars. I hope for a good week this week as I should be receiving my yearly review. 10 days until my magazine comes out. Oh Lord, I pray I can show my face after this.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Long week, even longer weekend
This past week has been a long one. So to keep my entry on point I'll go day by day. Honestly, it's 9 am here, I have 3 kids fighting in the background, Dora is doing Spanish speaking (honestly, she says that) and I have only had 2 small cups of coffee. Please, forgive me LOL
Sunday night I had some disappointment. We are avid watchers of HBO's Game of Thrones, but Sunday they left us hanging and pushed back an episode until June 1st. I've read the books several times now, and I re read them prior to a new season airing. We're in the middle of season 4 so think I've got a reason to watch the show and call myself a dedicated fan LOL We stayed up until 11pm to watch what should have been the re air since we thought we'd missed the 9 pm showing because we were away from home. We were up until midnight for no reason. But I did catch this...
Sunday night I had some disappointment. We are avid watchers of HBO's Game of Thrones, but Sunday they left us hanging and pushed back an episode until June 1st. I've read the books several times now, and I re read them prior to a new season airing. We're in the middle of season 4 so think I've got a reason to watch the show and call myself a dedicated fan LOL We stayed up until 11pm to watch what should have been the re air since we thought we'd missed the 9 pm showing because we were away from home. We were up until midnight for no reason. But I did catch this...
Can I just say, wow?! We went to bed that night/morning shaking our heads because while I knew Myfitnesspal was impressed, I had no idea they intended to share my story on their Facebook page. The amount of attention it got, just wow. I was equally blown away by their blog post. It was very sweet of them.
I've started to get Myfitnesspal friend adds and Facebook messages from people who've seen this and while I try to answer questions, and thank those who congratulate me,add me's and friend me's make me just a little uncomfortable. I hope that I help someone, but I'm not sure how best to handle the attention. This is just so new to me.
Monday was a blur and so was Tuesday. Wednesday got interesting because I went in for a day shift and I loved it! It was nice to go home and see my kids faces. They were so surprised! I loved it! Wednesday I also managed to get a new treadmill. While it's not from the store new, it may as well be. A friend through my sister offered it up to anyone who would use it. I jumped on that offer so fast.
It's a Weslo Pro 7.9 Crosswalk and it's nothing special, but it beats my old Proform 345s crosswalk.
They're about 10 years apart and my Proform is just a straight up crosswalk treadmill. No fancy stuff. But it did the job. The Weslo has 5 pre set speed buttons and 6 workout pre sets. Plus, the belt is in like new shape for it's age of 2 years. I also love the bounce it has when you run. I'm hoping to get my sister in law to take the Proform back. It looks like she'll be getting married next year!
Thursday I worked another day shift and after work my husband and the kids met me for dinner at a local diner before Grace's kinder concert. They sang a few songs at a local church, though she stood for the most part and barely moved her lips. I think the worst part of attending her school functions is seeing my ex. No, we were never married but after 6 years of dating I ended things because it was never going anywhere. It's just so embarrassing.
Friday things had finally slowed down enough that I could get on my treadmill. I did 3 miles and it felt great! Work went by very quickly because all week I was in another department and Friday night I was in my normal department trying to get everything back in order. I managed it, but I only got 15 mins for lunch LOL
Saturday morning I packed the kids up and went to my grandparent's. Gram got home Thursday night after several weeks in the hospital and rehab. Her knee is doing well and she's moving around much better. I'm looking forward to the day when she can move around and have little to no pain. I hate seeing her in pain. It kills me.
I did manage to get on the treadmill afterwards. I had to. I picked up pizza on the way home and I felt so guilty. I walked 4 miles, over 500 calories worth, and we did some outdoor work as well. I got most of my flower beds dug up and moved some stuff around. We have to finish the rest when Bill gets home Sunday evening, but I think we may end up making another trip to get a bush or a tree. I want a pine tree so badly. A live Christmas tree <3
I'm looking forward to the next week. I want to find a new norm with work being so hectic right now. The treadmill helps a lot. It's "new" so I am happy to play with it, but it's very good stress relief if I can find the time during the next week to use it. I should also be finishing Gone With the Wind, which I love, and will be staring the finale to a series I started last year. I'm also hoping to get my work schedule nailed down, meet with my boss to discuss my job title etc and hopefully drop another lb. Mother nature got the best of me this week and I ate too much salt and ended up gaining about 7 lbs. I'm down to 152.6 which is a difference of 1.4 lbs from my lowest weigh in. I'd like to see the last of that drop off and finally, make it to my peak goal weight of 150. Fingers are crossed. If I make it I will see about scheduling my consult with the plastic surgeon to discuss my excess skin removal. At some point I may feel ready to share my current body images, but I just can't yet.
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