Shooting for normal or something like it

It was a long Memorial Day weekend filled with food and fun but now it's time to return to the grind and find a new norm. I'm looking at a complete upheaval at work, finding childcare for 3 during the summer and the upcoming magazine release. Life is a little chaotic to say the least but I'm trying to find a new normal. I've done so well with judging my own diet that I haven't been calorie counting using the Myfitnesspal app. But, I have done my best to make healthy choices when eating out or at a family member's house or just eating small portions and trying to fill on fruit or veggies. I'm waiting until the weekend to weigh in and get a more current weight since I've also avoided that. Between water weight and excess salt intake it's crept up and it makes me nervous.

So we got some things done around the house this weekend. Outside, so the inside has suffered drastically. Laundry as piled up and dishes are still in the sink. Nothing new. The outside work isn't fully completed but I'd like to share a shot of the house now, because I'm just so stinking proud.

New color on the left, old on the right. We went with a high gloss black and it's very chic. I'm looking forward to the door being repainted and a new light installed. Looking good though.

I'm going into work today and I'm pretty much looking at a sit down with our CEO's. I suggested a change in my hours but I'd like to know what they want future wise. I like having a tentative plan. It makes Dr's appointments easier etc. Especially since dentist appointments are coming soon.

FitBit, yeah, that has been awful. I'm really trying but most days I just don't have time to get on that treadmill and when I do have time I'm just so worn out. Gram is STILL in the hospice and Pa is still on his own. I've been trying to see both and get things done all over the place that it's stretching me thin. He doesn't make much mess, but I've been spending 2 or 3 hours over there on my off days and the housework between there and here just keeps piling  up. No word on when Gram comes home and I'm biting my nails trying to figure out if our current sitter will take the boys this summer and if so, would they take Grace too?

It's Tuesday and for now, due to forces beyond my control, I'm on a limited workout schedule. So, I'd like to get my 30 in at the most and try to get my steps back up to a minimum of 10,000 a day. No more sitting at work and more walking if at all possible on my lunch break.

And finally, I'd like to just vent about a comment that was recently made by another Myfitnesspal user. I will not put a name on here, but the comment kinda stung. To paraphrase the other user's words, "What makes these people so special?" While the other user has lost a lot of weight, and the other user is also a mother, employee and student etc., I never set out to compete with anyone. This was my journey about me. I never set out to get any attention for my actions. It was my sister who wrote the local paper and the local news station that contacted her to interview me. I also garnered the attention of Women's World Magazine through that newspaper article. They also sought me out, not the other way around.

To answer the other users question, I don't know. I'm not special. But I've done something that for some reason people find inspiring. I'm not claiming that I am unique or that my story stands alone. I'm doing my best to encourage others, and if sharing my story does that how can that be a bad thing?

Weekend warrior, and a brief thank you.

This week has been hectic. Between trips to see my grandmother and trying to nail down a schedule for my workouts around my daily life I've been stuggling. The passing of my friend and coworker has affected me greatly. Her sudden death has left me feeling like there are no promises for tomorrow and for now I should just live in the moment. I was once so structered around my workouts and diet, and now I'm learning to just let it go. I'm doing my best to stick to what works, but I'm not beating myself up if I don't make my daily goals each day. For now, being a weekend workout warrior will have to suffice because the grief counselors said we should be forgiving of ourselves and just work on healing first. The last few pounds will be there when I am ready. For now, just trying to eat right and getting in 30 mins a day seems like enough. And that's ok.

I want to take a moment to address the influx of visitors to my page. I am very greatful to Katie of Runsforcookies.com for sharing my story with her readers. I never expected it, but I am very greatful. When I began my blog it was to record how I felt as I closed in on my 100lb goal. I never thought so many people would read it. I never expected all the attention I have received. I am very humbled by the works that I believe God has done through me, and I continue to hope and pray that someone who needs my message will be reached. You can change your life by making small changes. Weightloss is not instant, it will come in time. Make small goals and work to achieve them. Don't beat yourself up over bad days, just recommit the next day and try try again. So for anyone reading this, please have mercy on me and don't judge me to harshly for my earlier posts. As I said, I never really intended so many people to read my thoughts. While I greatly appreciate each and every read, I'm not a writer or a great philosopher. These are my humble thoughts and records of where my journey has taken me. Thank you again.

Falling off the wagon

Friday after leaving work I spent some time just loving on my kids and trying to take in the fact that I wouldn't see my coworker again. When the Schwan's man came I ordered icecream cones for the kids and low cal icecream sandwiches for myself. It was nice to spend the time with them. It did help.

Saturday we had a random day. We piled into the van and drove through the neighborhood garage sales. After that we made our way to Monroe to check out what was going on there. When that failed to entertain us we drove out to see Bill's grandparent's home. The new owners had been doing a lot of remodeling. We also stopped at his uncle's garage sale just down a few homes. After that we drove out to Dundee and had lunch at Applebee's. I had a 550 cal steak meal and the kids had french bread pizza, low fat yogurt and strawberries and Bill had the pasta bowl. We did a quick run through Cabela's and got the kids kettle corn and a pressed penny. And after scarfing down the popcorn, we drove across the street to the Russell Stover store and got them each a small heart box with 3 bon bons each. Bill and I got a small treat each, mine was 140 cals. I then walked over to the St. Julian's winery and got some peach spumante and Bill some hard cider.

Later that evening Bill and I went out to Asiana's in Monroe for soup, spring rolls and some fried rice. We stopped in to see my Grandmother at the IHM rehab center. She had her knee replaced and is getting some TLC. We took Grace home, she'd gone to visit Gram with my Pa, and then headed out again to have a dinner date. I had wanted some simple comfort food but Panera's was closed so we ended up having some Mexican at the Blue Margarita's.

Just to show you where my train of thought was going I picked up a fitness video and spent most of Sunday working off Saturday. I felt bad that we ate out so much. But I just couldn't handle my friend's passing without some comfort food. I'm doing my best to get back on but the sitting through counseling and trying to make up all the work at work that we skipped Friday is killing me. I did do some dancing at my desk last night but I never got to 10,000 steps.

They say it gets easier, but each time I see her office I want to see her there. I'm praying she's found peace. I'm angry that she's gone. I'm horrified to think of her last minutes. But if anyone deserves heaven, it would be Mary. She was so funny and kind. Mary, if you could read this blog post, you'd be happy to know that I finally ate something not green LOL I even brought in chocolate chocolate chip cookies and chocolate chip cookies at work for the ladies. We miss you. </3

A week of high highs and extreme lows

On Monday, May 12th my grandmother had her knee replaced. The surgery didn't last as long as I expected it to. She went in at 7:30am  and was out and in recovery at around 9:45am. We didn't get to see her for a while afterwards because no one notified us that she had been moved to a room. After seeing her settled into her room I headed home to grab lunch and get to work.

Mondays are usually hectic and I had plenty to do to keep me busy. I take care of the paperwork from the weekend and any labels taken out must be replaced. I handle our Cintas uniform rental stuff and then get both the customer service stuff and accounting stuff taken care of. I'm usually back to my desk after 5pm. That evening I checked my email and I found a message from Myfitnesspal, which is my smart phone app that I used to track my meals.

Dear Yvette, 

My name is Olivia and I work for MyFitnessPal. I am reaching out to you today on behalf of our team to both thank and congratulate you on your impressive weight loss success. Having just watched your piece on CNN we are all touched by your journey and thankful your inspirational story is getting out there to help others on their journey. 

We would love to send you a small thank you gift; would it be possible for us to have your mailing address? We will only use this information for this purpose and will not share it outside the company of course. 

Congratulations again on your success! 

Kindly, 
Olivia 
MyFitnessPal Community Manager

I was shocked to say the least! I jumped on that email, I think, faster than they had anticipated LOL Thank you smart phone email app. What really got me excited was 

OMG I made CNN! I'm so afraid to check the mail now LOL 

Tuesday was nice because Bill got home within an hour or so of going into work so I could go see Gram at the hospital. I was really worried because she didn't seem to be doing to well. Leaving her there was so hard. 

On Wednesday Bill and I went grocery shopping at Woodhaven Meijer after dropping my van off at the Crest Ford dealership on Gibralter in Flat Rock. I think the most exciting thing that happened all week happened there. I MET KATIE FOSTER!

I was headed back to grab a tube of toothpaste and she just walked by me! I turned after it clicked and just said, "Katie?" She turned, and OMG, she said, "Yes?" I ran into a celebrity! After I told her how she had inspired me I asked if I could get a photo, which she graciously said yes to! You can see just how excited I am here LOL She is such a lovely person to meet! Thanks Katie! I spent the rest of the day on cloud 9.

On Thursday I took a trip up to see Gram. She had been doing much better day after day. Bill took the boys to get fruit and left me at the hospital. Gram was being moved that day to a rehab center so when we left I took the balloons I had gotten her. Mylar, not my favorite. Work was ok, I got plenty done but I was anxious all day about Gram's move that I missed what was going on at work personally. 

On Friday I got my workout in and was feeling really good about what I got done at the house before work. I got the boys off to the sitters and made it to work on time. I was rather stressed but I managed to get through the first hour. After that everything, my week, my emotions, all of it, went down hill like an avalanche of the deepest darkest poo from Hades. 

I stopped off at my first stop, checking in with Teri to drop off orders. She seemed rather distraught. I thought it was a family issue the way she clung to her cell phone. She told me she was waiting for word about Mary. Mary had called in Thursday ill, saying she had a headache and that she'd be in late. She said it was unlike Mary not to come in or call and then be a no call no show to work on Friday and that Lisa, our executive secretary, had gone to check on her. I tried to shrug it off and be optimistic about it. I didn't know Mary well enough to make a judgment. So, I told her to keep me updated and went on to accounting. 

The ladies in accounting were worse. Both were on and off the phones and were telling me that the police had been called in to find out why Mary wasn't answering the phone calls etc. Her car was found in the garage, but there was no response. Within a few minutes our human resources director came in to tell us what had been found. Mary was dead. I had prayed and cried for God to please be with Mary, but it would seem that the best course for God was to have Mary with Him. 

The rest of the evening was hard to say the least. I had really liked Mary. I felt so cheated that I hadn't gotten to know Mary better. She was funny, thoughtful and she brightened up a room. 

Mary (left) and Lisa (right) on a trip they shared to Hawaii in October, 2013 Waikiki Beach. 

It's so hard to believe that someone who's smile and laughter were SO infectious is gone. Like that. No goodbye. No obvious reason. I can't get over it. All the memories, the funny conversations. Gone. It's just so hard to take. I pray your family does your life justice Mary. I pray that you have found your mother in heaven, and that you have seen the face of our heavenly father and he has smiled on you. I will miss you friend. 

Tv shows and photo shoots

On Wednesday, May 7th Kelly from Photos By K came out for the photo shoot for Women's World Magazine. I had to fill out forms as a model giving my permission for my images and my children's to become property of the magazine. We had to shoot several different scenes. In the kitchen cutting up apples, at the computer, in front of the entertainment center and outside. It was a lot of fun and the kids loved it. They got really hyper but I think for the most part the photographers got what they needed. I'm so excited to see the shots. Kelly informed me after the shoot that the issue should be out in June and that their photo dept would probably select a few pics for the spread. I'm hoping they do a good job. I've never liked photos. But Kelly assured me that I looked good and that her pics would flatter my figure. Oh, God. My figure....

On Thursday Liam had his first dentist appointment. It went rather well, or at least it was less painful than I anticipated. We walked to the store afterwards and we helped Bill finish up the shopping for the week. I happened to grab a pair of "lightweight" Fila shoes. I'm loving the slip on velcro tops. There are no laces, just a bungee cord which gives me some extra room for my high arches. They're very comfortable and a good buy at just $33 on clearance from $55.

I managed to get to work on time that day and when I sat down at 1 I figured I'd double check my email since my phone had pinged earlier on my drive in. I don't check emails or texts when I drive so when I sit down to lunch at 1pm I check it then. I had an email from Anu Prakash!

Hi there
Just wanted you to know that your story will be on tonight at 5:30. That's the plan so far!

Thanks again for everything and it was a pleasure meeting you and your family!

Best
Anu

I immediately messaged and called my family members. So many of them wanted to know and had  been asking. Waiting those last hours was painful to say the least. But at 5:30 I sat in front of the computer at work and turn on the live web feed to watch my story air.

May 8th, 2014

When it aired I missed a lot of it. I was holding my breath and I think I cried. Within an hour it was online and I re watched it a few times to just get it all but I like it. I wish some things had been said and a few things had not, but the overall message is there. 

Friday I got the call from Women's World Magazine about my issue release date. It will be dated July 14th, but will be on sale from July 3rd to July 9th. The 4th of July weekend is huge because so many people are on vacation and this means big sales on magazines and books. I'm really excited to see the cover and will share it as soon as I'm able. :) 

Friday's amazing weigh in!

Meeting Channel 7's Anu Prakash

7 am came rather quickly on Thursday. We knew we had a lot to do but thanks to plenty of hard work done outside by my husband, and some pre-cleaning done inside the night before by all of us we had plenty of time to prepare for the film crew.

At 9:21 I received a text message from Colleen Clement that their reporter, Anu Prakash, and their photographer, Johnny Sartin, were on their way. That excited me because Anu Prakash was a name I knew! So when 10:30 rolled around we were ready and waiting!

Anu Prakash herself called me to tell me they had arrived and after some last minute primping and preparing they were at my door! My first thought when I met Anu was just how petite she was and it made me very self conscious. Despite my weightloss standing next to someone who is small framed makes me feel enormous. But Anu's personality is not small. She is warm and bubbly and the kids took to her quickly. Grace was shy but the boys went right to her and greeted her with hugs and introduced themselves.

Johnny decided which rooms would be used and where we should sit. That made me glad we had washed down the chairs the night before, because Liam likes to smear food on them and he also licks the back rests LOL

After some initial questions, which I assume were meant to relax me, Anu started the interview. It was at that moment that I felt something calm me, I had this. I took speech in college after all. So, I did my best to keep my cool. I'm glad my sister was there since her presence helped me stay grounded. I wish my grandmother could have been there though. She had pre-surgery prep at the hospital.

Anu asked all the questions I expected. What made me want to lose the weight? How did it make me feel when I couldn't play with my children like I wanted to? Where did I get my diet ideas from? What does my diet consist of? What were my workouts like? Again, absolute amazement that I didn't have help of any kind. And of course: How has my life changed since the weightloss?

I think the interview with the Monroe Evening News, and the 1 hour interview with Women's World Magazine really helped me. I spent a lot of time going over things in my head which I wished I'd said. Those what ifs bothered me. I also think the praying before hand helped. While I did feel awkward a lot, I didn't feel afraid like I thought I would.

After we filmed all the necessary shots I got in a pic with Anu thanks to my sister Mercedes for taking the shot <3

Me meeting Anu Prakash of Channel 7 News Detroit, Mi

I'm not sure when the piece will air, after nearly 2 hours of filming I hope they got plenty of good stuff to use. I'm so afraid of the thoughts of others, that I have probably made myself sick. And I'm pretty sure there are people who think I'm lying and making this all up. This whole journey I've been doing my best to prove that I'm not a fake, I will do the things I say I will do. I will succeed and I will get healthy. I know I don't have to prove myself, but the negative comments hurt all the same. Here's to the men and women who go through this journey and feel that fear, I feel you! My love <3 

Caught in the whirlwind

This past week has been amazing! In so many ways I feel blessed, but at the same time I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Good things rarely come without a bitter taste in the end. I'm just praying it doesn't.

On Thursday, April 24th I got what seemed like a random phone call at work after 2 pm. I really thought it was a junk call, someone just looking to sell us something. The caller (Taryn Phillips-Quinn) claimed to be from Woman's World Magazine, and I didn't have a subscription so I figured it was some kind of joke. Turns out it was no joke. A research editor from the magazine was calling to ask if I'd be interested in my story being told. I told her I was and she asked to set up an interview date via phone. So Friday I waited for the call at 10:30 and lo and behold! It was real! After a 1 hr interview I was told I would hear something by Monday, Tuesday at the latest. That she would type up the article and the Chief Editor would say yes or no. I then did my best to go about my weekend, though definitely in a daze.

On Monday I waited by the phone. I babysat that thing. Taking it from room to room with me. I even turned it up as loud as the ringer would go so I could get my shower in before work. I stood in the shower listening for the phone. I think that's where I just felt ridiculous. I was losing it over a phone call. So, I prayed. I just asked God to please use me. If it was His will that I get the magazine article that I would use my story to lift Him up. But that if He has something else in mind for me, that I would be ok with that and I would let His will be done. I felt much better after that. Much more resigned.

I began to pack my lunch and get ready to leave when my phone rang and it was my sister. I thought I was going to have to tell someone that I hadn't heard anything and that I would call when I did. That's when I got the craziest news I've ever received. And that's saying a lot for my family LOL The local library where my surprise party took place had called to say that a rep from Channel 7 news out of Detroit, Mi wanted to air my story! An interview on camera! I was still packing my lunch and needed to walk out the door but I just stopped moving and started screaming OH MY GOD!!!! My husband pretty much came running to see if I was ok, or if it was one of the kids. When he saw the situation he asked me if I got the magazine, and I told him, no I got a TV piece!!!

I finished packing my lunch as fast as I could because I really did need to get into work. As I'm walking out the door my phone rings again and this time it's Colleen Clement! The executive producer at Channel 7!!!! Colleen flat out asked if they could interview me and my family and would I be ready for Tuesday? The next day? No way, but Thursday for sure. I talked to Bill before I set it in stone and we started getting ready that night.

The spent the rest of Monday waiting to hear back from Woman's World. I never thought the call would come anyway so I just kept telling myself it would be ok. I didn't need a magazine to tell me what I've done. I didn't. But I was starting to get a little heartbroken.

On Tuesday I followed the same pattern as Monday. Waiting to hear back and telling myself I could handle the rejection when it finally came. I went to work and I did the same thing. No one asked me if I got it. I was glad for that because the call never came. I sent the editor a letter that night thanking them for their time, and told them I was flattered regardless of the fact that they had clearly rejected the article. I told them I had some consolation with the up coming tv story and I asked if they could please send me the article anyway so I could add it to my weightloss momentos. I was sad, but I would live.

Wednesday we got up and started to do our usual morning routine, clean and run to the grocery store. I needed to finally buy a bra if I was going to do this interview. I've been wearing nothing but sports bras since the fall when my breast size was reduced to nothing. I had tried on several sizes but nothing fit right. I felt deflated. So here I am, at a local grocery store trying on bras. I felt like crying. Nothing fit and everything showed how my breast tissue was damaged. I had just given up and was returning a bra to the rack when I heard my phone ping, indicating an email. I ignored it thinking it was junk mail and checked Google for bra sizing and then went to my mail app to delete the junk mail. That's when my heart stopped and I went full panic mode in the store.

I GOT THE MAGAZINE!!!!

So I'm standing in the front of the store gaping at my phone. Reading over and over again the words, "As a matter of fact, we ARE going ahead with your story!" I started to cry, and I could clearly hear a favorite song overhead. I remember so long ago hearing it and praying for God to help me. To take my pain and make it something beautiful. That song spoke to me. It seemed like for once God had answered me, like He was right there telling me it's ok. You've done well and here is your reward. Make me proud.

I started trying to call my husband's phone, but in the store it had no tower signal so I went running up and down isles trying to find him and our kids. When I did find him I'm sure I looked like a mess. He asked me what was wrong. Clothes shopping is a bit frustrating for me and I can cry when I do it. I managed to tell him somehow that I got the magazine. He looked a bit taken aback. I'm sure he felt the same as I did, that it wouldn't happen. But boy were we wrong!

Well, here we come Channel 7 action news! I'm gonna be plastered all over the place!

Just use me God. Help me to help others <3