Halloween!

It's Halloween and I woke up to rain. Not the best way to start the morning but my weigh in today made up for it! 182.4! YUP! Down a total of 76.6lbs! I'm getting so much closer to my goal. Here's the break down:

159 is my goal (which is a weight loss goal of 100lbs) I'm 23.4lbs from that goal
164 is my "no longer over weight goal": I'm 18.4lbs from that goal

My BMI is currently: 27.7 and it needs to be 18.5 - 24.9

So despite the rain and gloom I'm feeling on top of the world right now! I'm that much closer!

Tonight I'll be dressing up as a good witch. I think bad witches should be left to the movies. As a Christian sometimes finding a happy medium (no pun intended) with pagan holidays can be difficult. I want to teach my children about Jesus, and Samhain and All Hallow's Eve aren't really a part of that. I suppose our celebrating Halloween is a lot like an atheist celebrating Christmas to the extent that they enjoy the "spirit" of the season, gift giving, and being with family. The warm and fuzzy aspects to the holiday. So I guess it's all about the candy and costumes for us. The fun part.

Later...

So Halloween was a bust. Our neighborhood cancelled and moved Halloween to Nov 1st due to the rain, which lasted ALL day. This has to be the first Halloween in memory that was moved to another day. I'm glad for the kids (who didn't care AT all) but I was bummed. This was also the first Halloween to take place on Bill's birthday. Another bummer because it meant we stayed home and didn't see his family. They pretty much do dinner and have cake birthdays.

So we'll see how the Halloween do over goes. Fingers crossed y'all!

Motivational Monday ~ Finally 75

It's a late Motivational Monday post again. Surprise surprise. Another weekend where I felt defeated. Saturday our oven died on us. I was a little concerned as we hadn't planned for this expense and we had planned to purchase a new oven in the spring of 2014. I was all prepared, and a little eager, to buy a new double oven. I have been wanting one for some time now, however, Bill wanted a shot at fixing our oven. Which he did, but not before we found out that our oven back up, our newest slow cooker, had also died on us.

Needless to say it was a stress filled weekend. I did manage to get a lot of our baby stuff sorted out and give it away. I think it has gone to at least 5 new homes so far. I still have baby girl stuff and bedding for both a girl or boy, but I am sure we can put it to use eventually. SOMEONE has to have a baby eventually. Right?

We got plenty of housework done during our down time and we finally have the use of our closet and the double closet in the boy's room. For the first time since we moved in I feel a little less trapped by our clutter. A sign of good things to come I hope.

 On to a weigh in report...

 Today I finally got some of that water weight off. This lovely time of the month always leaves me tired, bloated and angry. I'll be glad to see a little more come off but for now, I'm (da da da da!!!!) 183.8 and that means I've lost a whopping 75lbs! Today I put in an extra 30 mins on the treadmill so tomorrow I will have probably put on some water weight as a punishment. I can only say, that it will come off and I just have to be patient. Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

 One of the things you learn about losing weight is that it's slow, and not gonna happen every day or even every week. I have gone 2 weeks without change, only to see a lot come off in the 3rd week. Days with no change can be frustrating, but go a week without any change and you might feel like giving up. Still, I have to do this. I feel like if I quit now I might go right back to where I was. One thing I don't want is to relapse. Here's to the next 5 lbs before I reach that wonderful 80lb mark! I CAN DO THIS!

Weigh in Wednesday, stuck in a rut....

My Wednesday weigh in was a bust. I expected it, but it wasn't because I wasn't trying. This happens EVERY month. I weigh in one last time, only to see my weight go up and up and up until I've suddenly gained 5-7 lbs. I know it will go away, but the point of this new lifestyle change has been to lose weight, not gain it. Still, I'm not gonna give in to cravings or the bad eating habits that others flaunt in front of me.

I'm preparing to purchase another size of work pants this weekend. The backside of my pants are hanging like I had a rear, and now it's deflated. Like a worn out balloon. It looks, simply put, terrible. I'm currently wearing a size 12 and I will be getting a size 10. I cannot remember wearing a size 10. I remember wearing a size 14, but never a 10. I must have always been chubby and been blissfully unaware. But isn't that the definition of childhood? Blissfully unaware and without a care in the world.

Last night I laid in bed feeling my legs. Sounds weird right? But my legs have always been the part of my body that I hated. I have always thought I had fat thighs. I can remember being younger than 10 and thinking that when I sat down, my thighs doubled and it was so awful. I don't know what made me hate myself at such a young age, but I have never stopped feeling that way about some of my body parts. Regardless, last night I lifted my leg up while I lay in bed, and I felt all the muscle I've made. It's amazing. If only I didn't have that extra skin that hangs. If feels deflated and wrong. Like it shouldn't be on my leg. Maybe one day, the majority of it will be gone. For now, it's a reminder of what used to be.

I can only hope that the hard work I'm putting in will help me deal with the way I've felt about myself for so long. I'm a woman, not a child. My perception of what is "perfect" or "ideal" has changed and is more realistic. I will not look like a runway model. I don't want to in fact. I want a body that looks healthy, not just thin. I want to feel like a million bucks. Not look like it. I know I'll still have loose skin and stretchmarks when I'm done, and I'm ok with that. But what I'd love, is to look in the mirror and love what I see. I'm willing to work for it. I'm committed. I'm ready.

Motivational Monday....So not motivated today

It's motivational Monday, or it would be if I weren't so darn exhausted from the weekend. It was a great weekend, I must say that first, I just wish I hadn't done so darn much. I feel foggy and irritated and I'll use what has become a new fun word among the workout community: hangry. I'm hungry and it makes me angry. So to anyone who I snapped at today, sorry!

Saturday I got my new shoes, some amazing Nike runners. I feel like I must brag, I was pretty excited to get real running shoes from a sports store. They were on sale, $20 off but they are amazing. And for the price I paid they should be.

Sunday we went to the apple orchard for an hour. Drove down to a pumpkin patch for a short look around. Called in a take out pizza order. Drove home and ate (I ate 2 slices of pizza and a cheese bread stick, 520 cals, it was bad I know). After we sat for a bit we packed up again, and went over to the farm to play in the remaining sunshine and let the kids roam a bit. I especially loved the sunshine on my face. It was warm and the breeze was just great. It helped, of course, that the farm owner had a nice little campfire going and the woodsmoke smell was fantastic!

Today was my first day back on the treadmill after a 3 day break to let my metatarsal pain ease up. The new shoes worked like a charm. A little sore, but a vast improvement. I'm feeling extra run down today, though my diet and my workout have nothing to do with it. I have until Saturday to see a little more weight come off. My last weigh in was 184.6 and I'd like to be down to 184 by this weekend. I started out the month of October at 191 so I feel like I'm doing ok right now.

I think what holds me up is the extra salt. I am a HUGE salt fan. I love salty snacks, not sweet. I'm not a chip fan, just crunch salty foods. But I better get on with the motivational part, so... here it is. My husband. I'm sure he wouldn't want me to use him as a reason to get fit, but he is. I will not say that I've ever had a reason to believe that my husband did not love me when I was obese. He has always been supportive and caring. But when I made the choice to get healthy, I made the decision for myself. But I knew, that an ulterior motive was to get a body that would make him gaga without me having to turn on the charm. I want to be a sexy wife. But it's hard to be a siren when you're worried about a roll or what he's thinking in bed or some other horrible scenario. It just sucks being fat.

Friday at LAST!

Last week I failed to make any progress. While I did workout 5 days, I failed to watch my sodium intake and as a result I had some water weight hang around until this week. Monday I made my 70lb weight loss goal coming in at 186.8lbs. I felt pretty good that day. I kept up the good work and was rewarded with another amazing weigh-in on Wednesday at 185.2lbs. Overall I've lost a whopping 73.8lbs. Just 2oz shy of 74lbs total.

I reached another huge milestone over the last weekend, I purchased a pair of size 12 jeans. US women's clothing size charts call a size 12 and up "plus-size", however stores around where I live call plus size 16 and up. For me that's undescribeable. I am just getting that much closer. I remember wearing a 14 in junior high and a 16 in high school. I was probably the same weight I am now and in a 14. The last time I remember being 185 was in 2005 after nearly 9 months of eating practically nothing thanks to some serious blues. I was just barely fitting into a size 16! So, I must have more muscle tone now. If only that extra skin wasn't making it hard to look at myself (LOL). All things in time right?

 This weekend we plan to visit my childhood favorite cider mill and apple orchard, Apple Charlie's of New Boston, Mi. We're taking our 3 kids and our oldest's girlfriend. I'm excited to see their new alpacas. After we pay for some cider and donuts we plan to pick up some pizza and hang around the house while the kids play or nap. I'll probably get some housework done, and we plan to have some steak for dinner. Sauteed mushrooms and onions of course! This is my 70lb weight-loss goal celebration dinner! WOOT WOOT! I love grilling in the fall. The smells of fall with the smell of beef roasting is just so amazing. I can't remember ever grilling outside as a child unless it was with my Gram. Memories....

 Another thing I'm really excited about this weekend is shoe shopping! Yup! Shoe shopping. I'm not a huge fan of shopping, unless it's for Christmas gifts (which I'm a huge fan of Christmas and I love spending money on my kids and family in general), but I've earned some new shoes. The last 2 weeks I've been trying to make my cheap running shoes last. I got my first pair in April of this year. They were $25 from Payless, but they were so cute! I loved the neon pink and green. However, they lasted about 3 months and I was not thrilled with having to replace them so soon. My second pair (identical BTW) lasted about that long as well. I am not going back to Payless. Ok?! I get it! Shoes break down. Not all shoes break down as quickly as others, and some of those longer lasting shoes cost 2 to 3X as much. I'm hoping to grab a pair for $50-75. I have my heart set on some Asics but I know I'll probably succumb to some Reebok's, Nike's, New Balance's or something affordable. But I gotta say, the metatarsal pain I have, isn't worth saving a few bucks.

Today's workout got scrapped when just 2 minutes in the pain started and I knew I'd be walking an hour in pain. NOT WORTH IT. This week has been amazing. I did my workouts (sans today of course), ate within my calories, had 2 great weigh-ins and have plans for some good memory making fun with my babies. I need some size 10 black work pants and I'm almost sure they'll fit like a glove. I'm just so optimistic about my future. Next year will be the best! I can only hope and pray! (God, I'm counting on you. Please continue to bless me alright? I'm not asking for much other than good health and the health of my loved ones. That's not much, right ;) ).

Current weight: 185.2
Goal weight: 159
Lbs to go: 26.2 until 189
Lbs until I'm no longer over-weight: 21.2

Weigh-In Wednesday, or not....

Today is weigh-in Wednesday, but as I'm abstaining from weighing myself until Friday, October 11th (my 8 month weigh-in) I'm going to make up for missing out the last few days. Today is my first no weigh day. I'm feeling anxious. I want to weigh-in simply because I do it every day without fail. However, yesterday I had gained 2lbs since Monday's weigh-in (which was a water retention gain due to dehydration) and I wanted to take steps to avoid stressing myself out. It can get bad when I'm feeling a deadline. So, no weigh-ins.

Saturday and Sunday were good days around here. We went out both days and I managed to eat within specs regardless. I got some new, much needed, clothing and a winter jacket. The temps have been in the high 40's to mid 50's at night and the day temps have been in the 60's. Winter is coming so I'm prepping. Monday was a bad day for me. I stayed home from work sick (not something I like to do) because I felt nauseous most of the day. I ate early, felt fine for about an hour and then I was sick again. I couldn't get rid of that feeling. Just turning my head was enough to make me feel ill. Tuesday was business as usual. I worked and got my workout in. I even made a new PR of 4 miles in 57 minutes. My old PR was 4 miles in 60 minutes. I'm not a runner, clearly, but I'm trying to get there.

Monday should have been motivational Monday so today I'll share one of my biggest motivators. My kids.

These little guys and gal, keep me busy. My oldest is 5 and she was born when I had reached my "steady weight" of 236lbs. I stayed there for each additional pregnancy and due to severe morning sickness I lost weight with each child, but it came back with some and a vengeance. My oldest was a winter baby and was not much inclined to touch grass her first summer at 3-4 months old. The following summer it was the same. She didn't like the way grass felt on her feet and didn't much care for outside play. The boys changed things. By the time my middle child could run and play outside I'd probably gone up to a steady 240lbs or so. I was not able to run. I was not able to play. I only wanted to sit and watch my kids play with my husband. That made me feel horrible. I felt guilty. I didn't want to be a lazy parent, always watching from the sidelines. I wanted to be the one running around with them. I had to stop this madness.

My decision to drop the weight was a culmination of things.

The embarrassment I felt trying to dress for my sister in law's wedding in the summer of 2012

The Relay for Life seminar, where a speaker who had dropped over 60lbs while in college kinda revealed my reasons why I couldn't drop weight as just excuses. She was an inspiration.

The looming summer where I'd have to take the kids out and possibly be invited to summer events and the heat would require more revealing clothing.

The summer 2013 Relay for Life event, where as a committee member I'd have to be more active.

The day I finally stepped on a scale out of curiosity. I had avoided them for so long. Why I did it? Perhaps it was God pushing me. But, when I did it stopped at 259lbs. Just 1lb shy of morbid obesity. I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I shared my weight with my husband and he calmly asked what he could do to help. He's been a huge supporter of  my goals and I love him even more for it.

This Friday is my 8 month weigh-in. My last weigh-in put me at 189.6lbs. Just 6oz shy of a weight loss of 70lbs. I am NOT looking back. I am NOT going to go back to where I was. I WILL drop the full 100lbs so help me GOD! And speaking of God, He has helped me when I felt like I would just rather quit. And yes, Jesus carried me. There have been times where, during a workout, I felt horrible pain and I cried out. Somehow the pain lessened, and I made it my full 60mins. I know I'll make it, because I know who stands before me and who stands behind. The God of angel armies is always by my side <3

Stupid things people say...

Stupid things people say to people who are losing weight...

I think I better start a list because this week I heard, what is in my opinion, probably the stupidest thing that someone has said to me. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that what they said was, in fact, their attempt to prevent me from going overboard with my "diet", but it came across as rather nearsighted and quite frankly, rude. 

"You aren't fat anymore. You need to stop obsessing over your body and your weight and find something else to worry about, like your kids." I'm not kidding. Someone said that to me. Of course they added, "I'm not trying to offend you, I'm only concerned that you may take it to an unhealthy level and make yourself sick." Really? I was speechless. Which for me is pretty rare, ask anyone who knows me. 

Today I weighed in at 190 ON THE DOT! That's a loss of 69lbs. I'm 5'8" and I should be under 159lbs. Roughly. Give or take a few pounds. So I'm still overweight by over 30lbs. OVERWEIGHT. Webster's defines overweight as: " weight over and above what is required or allowed." So I'm not at a healthy weight at all. I'm eating right, I'm still dropping weight at a good pace and I'm not starving myself or doing something "unhealthy" or "risky" to drop it. This is just one of those cases where someone who doesn't know me makes a judgement about my weight loss and uses a "friends" experience to paint me with the same brush. I'm just gonna nod and pretend I heard you. So, I'll add that to my list that will follow here. And henceforth, all stupid comments will be added in order of occurrence:

1. "You aren't fat anymore. You need to stop obsessing over your body and your weight and find something else to worry about, like your kids. I'm not trying to offend you, I'm only concerned that you may take it to an unhealthy level and make yourself sick." Oct 2, 2013

So many changes, but life marches on!

You're probably wondering what happened to my blog. Well, I killed it. I pretty much decided it wasn't heading in the direction I wanted to take it, so I scrapped it and decided to take it in a new direction. I'll be using my blog as a daily place to log milestones and my thoughts throughout the day rather than tackle a subject a day here and there. Please, have patience with me. This is a learning process as I've never been good at journal writing.

I'd like to share my recent "transformation photo". I can't wait to add to it.

Thursday, where do I begin? Oh yeah! It's fall here in Michigan! One of my favorite seasons. Last weekend we toyed with the idea of going to a cider mill/apple orchard but the weather was just not ideal. It was in the low 60's and overcast. Too cold for little ones. So we'd like to go this weekend as it's already OCTOBER!

I got out of bed today rather begrudgingly. I would have loved the extra sleep. As a parent those luxuries are no longer an option. My oldest has to be out the door by 7:45am to catch the bus to all day kindergarten so I rolled out of bed tired or not. I usually start my morning by using the bathroom to freshen up and do my morning weigh in. Today there was a slight change, 190.6 instead of yesterday's weigh in of 190.4. No big deal it'll come off. It's probably water weight from eating a bowl of Bill's amazing ham soup last night when I got home from work. Salt cured ham. Not a dieter's best friend.

Our neighbor's home was sold recently and it's being moved to it's new location: Minnesota! (We live in a "manufactured" housing community. A fancy way of saying mobile home park. Our homes are all double wide, vinyl sided and the size of a good starter home. It's not the run down trailer park some people think of). So today the movers have it up on wheels to pull it out and it looks as though our old neighbor left some things laying around or in the ground. We'll be trying to save them from destruction but the tree they ripped out looks a little beaten up. It'll have to be staked to the ground until the roots grow out or the tree officially dies. I'd like to add it out back for my birds to rest in near the bird feeders. I love birds, but I haven't had the time to build or make new feeders so the poles just sit there. Hey, fall just got here. Those birds have plenty to eat! I should know! They flock out there and eat the wild grapes and raspberries and my house and van are bird bombed.

My oldest got off to school alright. She's having her pictures taken today so she's not really happy with me for sticking her in "itchy clothes". We don't do family photos. It probably stems from my hatred of being the subject when a camera is pulled out. I know that's the point, but I don't want people to see me at all. I've been overweight/obese for a LONG time. After a while you learn to hide from cameras because you're embarrassed and you don't want a lasting image of you at your worst. And trust me, when you're that embarrassed about your weight, every day is your worst day.

My workout got scrapped today. I got about 15 mins into my walk and the soreness in my right knee and hip just seemed to persist. I figured I'd get about 30 mins in and stop to take some ibuprofen and rest. After resting a bit I decided that to resume my workout was probably a bad idea. Walking through muscle pain is one thing, but sore joints, that's just not worth it. My knees hurt just when the temperature drops, I don't need to pile on more injuries. So I stopped at 30 mins and 200 calories. I don't feel too bad about it though. My reduced calorie meals keep me at around 1,200 - 1,300 calories a day and the workouts are just supposed to help muscle toning and keep my calories down on my bad days. So it looks like Saturday I may walk to make up for today. I'll keep some heat on my knee and take some ibuprofen tomorrow before my walk and that should help. I'm working today and I should be finishing up Harry Potter book 5. I'm a BIG reader and I participate in Goodreads.com's reading challenge. Last year I read 106 books and the year before I read 104. This year I'm hoping to read the same or more than last year. What about you? Are you a reader? So far I'm on track. I guess that's pretty much where I'm feeling I'm at right now in my life. On track. Have a great day everyone! Keep moving!