AWOL ~ AKA the week Yvette went MIA

I failed to do Motivational Monday, I failed to do Weigh in Wednesday, I failed to do Friday Free Write and I didn't work out once this week. I should feel bad, but I don't. I stuck to my diet every day except Thanksgiving day. I logged onto Myfitnesspal and logged my usual calories. I drank my water and I stayed active with the kids and around the house. My big issue this week? What kept me from even walking my 3 miles a day or more? I hurt my back on Tuesday playing with my kids. There. That's why I don't feel so bad.

I spent Monday morning at the dentist having my first cavity filled. I would feel bad about that too only I'm going to be 30 on Jan 6th and this is my FIRST bad dentist report. The cavity also happens to be in a wisdom tooth that I was told to have surgically removed years ago. But I didn't because I'm a stubborn idiot. When I got my braces at 16? I had two bicuspids pulled on top to make room for all my teeth to be pulled to the front. The force of pulling all those back teeth to the front pulled all my front teeth back and corrected a HUGE overbite that I had. As a child I could put my teeth together and still have room between the upper and lower jaw to stick my thumb in the gap between my teeth. Correcting this gap also gave me room for my top two wisdom teeth. We were warned that the bottom wisdom teeth were coming in impacted and ended up partially erupted. Meaning they were so close to the other teeth they came up and got stuck leaving the back of the tooth covered by gum. This allows food to be trapped in a "pocket" and is perfect for cavities to take hold. The dentist also warned me that the crevasses in the top where chewing takes place were so deep, keeping them clean despite good oral hygiene would be difficult or next to impossible. So, I of course had the beginnings of a small cavity despite years of doing my best. They assured me that as I age my teeth are more prone to weak enamel and that it happens. I can't even see the filling as I requested and paid extra for composite that looks like the color of my tooth. I feel it, but I don't see it. Having it done was hell.

Tuesday I was feeling so well, my weight loss has given me so much energy, that I played with the boys rather roughly. Bill was home unexpectedly and he busied himself around the house while I acted like an idiot. I gave piggy back rides, I crawled on my hands and knees under the table and around the kitchen. I tossed the kids into the air and did the airplane with them. It wasn't until I tried to get up and get ready for work that my back started to hurt. So, I spent Tuesday taking ibuprofen and wishing I hadn't done that. It turns out, I pinched a nerve and it wasn't going to heal for a few days.

Wednesday I weighed in as I had last time and I felt ok for at least maintaining my weight and knew it had a lot to do with taking the last few days off. However, I did workout Saturday and Sunday my usual off days so technically Monday and Tuesday were covered. But since I woke up Wednesday as stiff as the dead I wasn't going to be walking at all. So Wednesday I went to work and did as little as possible so my back would recoup.

Thursday morning I had a lovely surprise. I weighed in 8 oz less. Putting me at 175 even!

Thanksgiving was a mess. Bill couldn't sleep as he claimed he had to do the baking etc. I think he stressed himself out way too much but as usual you can't tell him what to do. We had family over and after the boys napped we had a good visit out. I did my best not to go over board but Friday morning I went up 2 lbs. Water weight got me.

Friday seemed to drag on. I got my office work done, I read a book in 6 hours and I got a bag of clothing from a coworker that has seriously augmented my wardrobe. I'm thrilled that so much fits and some will fit by next spring. I even threw on a size M top that fits like a bathing suit and wow'd the husband. He's loving this new me I can tell LOL

Saturday is here and it's my 6th wedding anniversary. We were engaged in 2005 and married Nov 30th, 2007. Bill and I had a long engagement obviously. It lasted 2 and a half years and we didn't tie the knot until I was 5 months pregnant with out daughter. He had cold feet. I blame his poor circulation. Regardless, we plan to celebrate tonight at Dolce Vita in Monroe and I have a present from him that's been in my possession since Monday. It's a new Pandora bead! I've left the box wrapped up for tonight because I want to be surprised. I have no idea which one he got, because my list is over 40 charms long LOL After dinner we plan to shop *wink wink* for me. I need a few new clothing items that I'd prefer to buy without kids present. It's also my least favorite stuff to buy because I have image issues but it'll be a treat for the hubby LOL

This week I find myself once again trying to remember myself at this weight. I don't remember it so I can't say with any certainty that I look anything like I did then. However, I feel great and my body seems to just get better looking each month. I'm looking forward to Christmas in 4 weeks. 4 weeks! But the food, not so much. Thanksgiving was hard and I felt like I was going to fail. Fingers crossed for my next weigh in. I'm betting my December 11th weigh in will put me behind. As far as I've come, I'm not sweating it. I've done pretty well in the last 9 months.

Current weight: 175
Goal weight: 159 (weight to go 16 lbs)

Weight to lose until I'm no longer overweight: 11 lbs to go.

I've officially lost 84 lbs!

Confessions

There are some things I just want to get off my chest today, perhaps it's just the fact that I slept poorly last night, or it could be hormonal. Still, there are some things that I'd like to say for the record.

1. Some days I log into Myfitnesspal.com just to log my workouts or weight loss. My diet varies so little that there is no real need to log Mondays through Fridays unless I change my diet up. After 9 months of faithful calorie counting I've learned the calories for most of what I eat and I don't need an app to tell me what I'm eating anymore. It's just reassuring when I'm cheating (eating a treat) and I want to stay on target. It also helps when I'm out and about and sharing a meal with someone who doesn't know my diet. I can adjust my eating for that day easily. I feel guilty about not logging everything, but I'm doing well and I don't see the need anymore. Once you learn good eating habits you don't need someone telling you at each meal right? Exactly.

2. I cheat. On my diet I mean. Yes, sometimes I sneak a bite of something my husband bakes. OR, I grab a slice of his homemade bread along with a bowl of something warm that he made to go with it. But I always consider the calories I'm taking in. I do not have cheat days where I eat what I want and ignore the calories. I've read blogs, diet sites etc that have said you need to treat yourself. Or the opposite:

My personal opinion here is this: You should NOT take a day off your diet by overeating. Overeating caused your weight gain. Those calories you take in do NOT magically poof off your body just by using the magic words "cheat day". If that worked, every day would be a cheat day and we'd all be skinny. Instead, have the foods you want, but evaluate the calories and reduce your portions and opt for healthy fillers like extra veggies so you don't over eat too much of the desired food. You get to give in to your craving but you don't overindulge and spoil your hard work for the week. Yes, one day of overeating can set you back a week. Been there, done that. Lesson learned. 

3. Small weight loss counts, but it is disappointing. You've watched your diet all week, you've done your workouts and you've passed on a few treats that you really wanted and felt good about it knowing you're doing everything you can to succeed at losing weight. Only to weigh in and see only a few oz drop that week and it leaves you feeling cheated. You feel a huge let down and it depresses you. You expected a lb at least and you feel like what you're doing is all wrong. You're never going to drop the weight. You're doomed. 

Yes, I feel that way sometimes. It happens to me too. There are some weeks where I ate something I shouldn't have and the weight sticks for a few more days. Tortilla chips are my downfall. But the good news is, if you keep at it, it will happen for you. I don't add my new weigh in on Myfitnesspal.com for oz unless it's over 4 or 6oz. A 2oz loss doesn't leave me feeling accomplished. So I keep at it and when I see a little bit more weight loss I add it all then and feel a bigger high when I see a 1lb or more of weight loss. Kinda like trading a small present for a bigger one. It just feels that good. 

4. I have a hard time seeing my weight loss. Some people need to understand that I've been heavy for a long time. I'm 29 and I haven't been the weight I'm at in over 10 years. That means I've spent over a 3rd of my short life being over weight. I can't remember when I was healthy last. So when I look in the mirror or see an image of myself now, all I can see it chubby or fat me. This is not uncommon. Society is not understanding about this. Comments like, "You're skinny now", or "I get it, you're proud of yourself, but enough", don't help. Yes, I'm looking for affirmation. I'm not looking for comments because it boosts my ego. Those moments when someone tells me I'm looking so healthy or I'm looking great help me see what you see. Like I'm using your sight to see what I look like because when I look in the mirror my eyes are broken and I see the old me. I just don't see what you see. 

5. 

I see runners everywhere 

and I want stalk them and ask them so many questions. 

Ok, I wouldn't really stalk someone because they're running or have a 3K, 5K, 10K or half marathon or marathon bumper sticker, but when I see one, I want to ask them for help. I want to be able to run so badly. They say it comes in time through hard work. I have been out of shape so long that it feels like it will never happen. I've never been a runner, but the challenge of it makes me want to do it. I don't want to be a long term runner. I want to know that I can and do it kinda like a bucket list item I want to check off. It's a sadistic task I've set myself. For now my lungs burn and my legs feel like they're going to bend over and snap off my body. Nope. Nothing unusual about that. 

6. I have NO plan for the future. I've learned to eat in a new way, and I'm just not sure that reverting to my old diet in any way is going to be doable. Realistically I know that my caloric need is at about 2,000 or so per day. So right now my deficit helps me lose weight. However, that deficit will have to end and I will need to learn how to eat all over again to maintain my weight loss and a good diet and exercise plan will have to be established. That terrifies me. As is, my diet leaves me full and I rarely have hungry moments where I gorge. To add calories means additional meals or snacks or higher calorie foods. Sometimes I wish I had someone to do this for me. Even I feel lost sometimes. 

This weekend has started off with some major stress as I attempted to log into my online banking account to schedule the car payment for my husband's new car. This is my first car loan through a bank and it's been a hair pulling experience. 6 months of payments on time only to log into my account and find that it's frozen and I cannot make a payment. I'm terrified of losing that car so I called into the bank and found out that their system messed up. They wanted me to "authenticate" my banking account information and their system should have made 2 small deposits into my local bank account so I could then enter those deposit amounts into a pop up window on my car loan account to verify that my bank account information is correct and the account is active. Those deposits never happened and so they froze my account. Their bad. Regardless, the payment was taken by phone and disaster was averted. Now I just have to wait 2-3 business days, check my banking account for potential deposits and if not call back and go through this again before my December payment is due. My advice to a potential car buyer, don't use Chase bank LOL 

I had a great weigh in today and I still can't believe it. Here's the pic:

176.4 which for some reason Myfitnesspal.com puts me at 83lbs lost (it's actually 82.6)

Current weight: 176.4

Goal weight: 159 (17.4lbs to go)

Weight at which I'm no longer over weight: 164 (12.4lbs to go) 

I'm getting there and it's so unreal. <3 

Friday Free Write ~ Just exhausted

It's November 22nd and I'm exhausted. I've worked out 4 days this week and I'm contemplating NOT working out today and doing a make up on Saturday with an extra half hour or so to feel good. I'm so frustrated this week, which is not the result of hormones despite what my husband thinks.

Wednesday's weigh in report did NOT happen. My weigh in was the same and I did my workout despite that. I had an irritating morning as we have a neighbor with whom we have issues. I'm a quiet person and despite where I live, I kinda expect my neighbors to respect our privacy and maintain the noise ordinance. Well, this guy was not doing that. He's been building a lean to of some sort and he made quite a bit of noise between his hammering and his car radio. He backed his car up through his yard so he had a radio. Bumping radios DRIVE ME CRAZY!

Well, Wednesday got a WHOLE lot worse. I managed to get my workout in, despite the boys constant bickering. I ended up running over time and had to rush my before work primping. I walked out the door at 12:25pm with plenty of time to make it the 6.6 miles to work and clock in before 1pm. However, my tires were flat. Yes, TIRES. I walked back into the house and told my Grandmother (she so lovingly watches our children for us) that I'd not be going to work and I promptly began to contact all the necessary people about my situation. 

My Grandfather (bless his soul) came out a little after 1pm and used his air compressor to fill my tires. A half hour later they were still holding air so he followed me into Monroe to Belle Tire to have them all checked out. The wait was an expected hour and a half or more and my Grandfather left me knowing that I had my phone if I needed some help. I assured him I had the money for the repairs and he left me there in the waiting room. Now, I'm NOT a good waiter. I fidget. I usually read to pass the time. HOWEVER, I didn't have my Nook Color or my Kindle. I have a Kindle app on my phone but the tv in the room was set to Jerry Springer and there were a few people in the room who made me feel like I was in rural Kentucky or worse. The stereotypical belly picker guy. Yes, he did exactly that. Thus my situation, telling the techs that I'd be back, that I was going for a walk. 

I spent an hour browsing at Lowe's and Ollie's. I picked up plenty of books for the kids and a gift for Ben and decided it was time to head back to the van. Within 15 minutes of returning the van was complete and I was headed home.

Thankfully Thursday was a normal day. I weighed in 2oz less than the day before, but I'm nearing  DOOMSDAY or is it doomsweek? Either way, I'm retaining water weight and I feel terrible. Fingers crossed I don't over do it this weekend with the salty snacks. Forget chocolate. I crave salty these days. 

6 more days until Turkey DAY! 

Current weight:  177.6

Goal weight: 159

Weight to go: 18.6lbs

Motivational Monday ~ "Running"

It's Monday and I'm writing on time! Someone call me a Dr I must be sick! No I'm not, I actually had a great weekend. And despite the fact my kids still have a cough and some runny noses, I've actually, knock on wood, managed to stay well enough to work out.

I took a 3 day break from working out over the weekend. I had a great weigh in on Friday which put me at my 80lb weight loss goal. It was actually 179.2 but close enough. Saturday we did our usual shopping trip in town (I call it that but it's really just something my Grandmother always said on Saturdays because Sunday was for church). We got most of our usual groceries but we got a rotisserre chicken for dinner in a hurry and some roasted garlic 15 min quinoa. I boiled and drained the last of my baby spinach and we had an amazing dinner. I also picked up a container of roasted red pepper hummus and I've got to say, I'm in love. It's WAY better than dip or salsa. I ate the entire container this weekend. I felt like I'd earned it and I must say, it was lower in sodium and fat than a traditional dip. Fair trade I thought.

Sunday I had another great weigh in. I came in at 177.8 which I need to get to 176 before the weekend to maintain my 2lb a week average. It's gonna be hard because mother nature is rearing her ugly head and any day now I'll start retaining water weight. I am already feeling slightly dehydrated and that's never a good sign when you are working to keep off water weight.

My amazing weigh in!

My "I made it to 80lbs" reward! 3rd Pandora bead

Today was the start of week 2 for training for the 5K. I did 3 intervals of 3, 3.5, and 4 mph although I found that 4.5 was much easier to maintain. For some reason, when I jog or attempt to run my legs feel like lead and my lungs feel like they're on fire. I felt so upset with myself today because I feel like I'll never make it. I angry that I may not have a chance because of something I had no control over. Regardless, I intend to work hard and keep trying because I won't know if I can run a 5K unless I work my ass off in an attempt.

Next week I begin week 3 of my training. I'll be doing 4 intervals of 3, 3.5 and 4 mph. From there I'll steadily increase my time for the 4 mph interval and go from 5 mins to 6 and from 6 to 7 etc. My goal is to do 10 mins at 4 mph and then increase my speed to 4.5 mph. I would then do a 5 3mph warmup and then start my intervals at 3.5, then 4, then 4.5 at 5 mins each. My overall desire, to do the 5K in under 45 mins. I have until June 21st. My sister feels confident that when I run with her and my cousin that my time will improve because I will be attempting to stay with them. I told her not to wait for me. Wouldn't it be funny if all my training puts me up there with the people who do the 5K in under 30 mins? My dream. Realistic? Probably not. But I'll never know what I can do if I don't challenge myself.

On a side note, I lost a workout buddy. Over the last few months the one guy at work who's been cheering me on and working at losing the weight himself has given up. He's going back to his old habits and he's not going to start again until next year. The holidays have him concerned he can't live without all the sides etc. He actually asked me what I plan to do. I have been worried about this myself and have been arming myself with low cal versions of some old favorites. It might take a little longer to prep some extras for me, but dang it, I'm worth it. I will not be suckered into quitting and over eating this year! I will maintain and lose this season! Have a great week all!

Friday Free Write!

I liked someone's "things you don't know about me" status on Facebook and was assigned a number so I played along. Thought I'd share it here too:

I've got the #8; so here are 8 things most people don't know about me:


1. Social interaction makes me extremely anxious, even among family I'd sooner hide than sit and chat. I always feel like everyone is judging me and I can't stand silence during conversation for that reason. I tend to fill in the silence with, more often than not, inane babble which causes me to beat myself up later. I spend hours telling myself I'm stupid. No joke.

2. I don't wear shorts, or flip flops in summer because a. I hate my legs. I always have. I think they're too fat and people will laugh. b. I hate my feet. I've always been teased for my feet and thanks to genetics I also have a few toes that don't grow nails properly. I call them my hobbit feet. I've actually considered wearing socks for my weigh ins so people won't see my feet. However, I have a tell tale mole that I know certain people will notice and be able to say, "Yes, that is Yvette." Thus, prove that a weigh in pic is me without a doubt.

3. I want to write a book in my lifetime. I'm an avid reader and I love futuristic and dystopian themed novels. My problem, I am my own worst critic and I always stop writing after I develop a plot.

4. I cry when I hear sirens. I actually tear up and pray. I think about the family who called and their fear/pain/loss and I empathize. I also cry during sad tv or movie moments. I can't stop myself.

5. I sleep with only a comforter. I do this because I want to tuck myself completely in at night and I like to wrap my head too. I fear spiders that much.

6. Furries, mascots and clowns make me have anxiety attacks. The reason: these people take pleasure in dressing up to make people happy and laugh. I see the laughter as a negative. I feel extreme embarrassment for them.

7. I like heavy metal music and Metallica is my favorite. Their best song: Wherever I May Roam. I've often told people I'd like to have, "My body lies but still I roam" on my tombstone. Not kidding. I'm a worrier and I'd probably be like, "God, I know you're calling me, I get it, but I've got just this one thing to do." LOL

8. I love my husband. A LOT. Even my subconscious thinks only of him. I might dream about flirting with someone, but I never kiss etc anyone but him. There are no romantic dreams of handsome actors, they always turn into Bill. He's my guy and I'm very loyal.

I realize that when people read this they probably think I need medication. I probably do. Anxiety is nothing to sneeze at, but I've learned to cope with some of my issues. I like to call them quirks and I manage. 

It's been a rough morning. Both boys had a cough, runny noses and poopy diapers. The power went out before 9am and was off for about 30 mins and even though the house didn't get cold, these guys threw a fit. They had no tv. I admit I was mid Cafe Land so I was put out too. LOL Regardless, it came on and they were happy. I missed my workout time since the treadmill doesn't run without power. No biggie. Looks like Saturday is a make up day. I've worked hard this week and today, I have a picture to share!

Yup. My Myfitnesspal ticker now shows me at 80lbs lost. It's off by 2oz but honestly, it counts. Right? Perhaps tomorrow, if I'm good today it'll read 179 or less. I'm still feeling like it's unreal. This never happened. Again, I don't remember being below 180. I was 185 (my lowest in years) back in 2005. But finally, through some hard work, I'm getting there! Feeling so good about where I am today. Best I've felt in over 10 years I'd bet. 

Weigh In Wednesday, more like waiting for it Wednesday

Today is my weigh in day and since last week I have not lost anything. It's very frustrating but I can only attribute it to a weekend of eating chips and salsa and having 1 too many drinks. I feel angry with myself, but I felt I deserved to cut back and relax. Now I'm so close to my 80lb goal and I feel like I've stalled myself. On Monday I weighed in 3lbs above my last good weigh in. I have since lost the weight, at a lb and a half a day, but today nothing. I hope tomorrow yields some results that make this all seem worth it. Honestly, I fear the dreaded plateau. If, and that's a big IF, I make my 80lb goal I'm going to ask for a new Pandora bead. I will make that 80lb goal come hell or high water. Watch me.

Current weight: 181.2

Goal weight: 159 So close I can taste skinny and it tastes like hungry. Yup, I'm hungry.

Motivational Monday ~ Heart of a Runner

I'm late with my motivational Monday post, big surprise right? Well, my inspiration today is about other runners. That's right. Runners. The crazy people who train like mad to run a grueling race for a ribbon or medal. Right? Wrong! It's not about the medals, t-shirts, the cheering spectators or kudos. It's about setting a goal, a challenge to man (or woman's) God given abilty and seeing through to completetion. About knowing your limits and breaking them and going further than you ever thought possible. That's what I think about runners. I admire them greatly. I always have.

My first "race" was in elementary school when I was picked to run a relay. I was the starter and I think that perhaps was due to the fact that yes, I could run, but in short spurts and I tired quickly. I remember looking back at the other runners. We were all nervous. But I remember we all talked amongst ourselves and we all said things like, You're gonna win. I'm not very fast etc. I thought, no way. I'm the slowest here. When we took off, I left them all behind. I didn't have to run far though, it was a relay afterall and I handed off the baton and watched as my team took the blue ribbon. That was my only race. I can remember even then, how my chest felt like it was going to burst and how I wheezed when I stopped. And since then, I have always told myself, you are NOT a runner. You will NEVER be a runner.

Today I admire runners for their true grit. I'd like to name the one runner who has inspired me the most: Katie Foster of Runsforcookies.com. Yes, Runs for cookies! Isn't that cute? Katie was obese and weighed 253lbs when she starting her weightloss journey. She now weighs in around 136 and maintains her weight through running. Her blog can be found here: http://www.runsforcookies.com/ Katie is a local girl, living near by me in Monroe county, Michigan. Makes me feel like I can do this because here is this girl, not a celebrity, who was living in a body much like mine and she made it. I guess I can do it too!

I'd also like to give a shout out to my cousin Dyan Biringer who completed a 5k on November 9th and ran it in 28 mins and 54 secs. She placed 3rd in her age bracket. She joked that she must have been one of the 3 in her age bracket hence her default placement. Kudos to you Dyan! I hope I can get my speed up to par with yours in time for the race next summer! Race? Yes! I am going to participate in the 2014 Ypsilanti Color Run on June 21st! It's a 5k or 3.1 miles. I'm currently able to run/jog at 4mph for 5mins max, but I'm working on intervals of 3 - 3.5 and 4 mph at 5 mins each until I get my speed and stamina there. Please, pray for me. I never thought I'd get this far, or have so much to reach for. Have a great week y'all!

Weigh-In Wednesday, Fit Gear

It's weigh in Wednesday, and I'm not going to "weigh in" on myself. I'm going to weigh in on fitness gear that I am really into at the moment. Now, these may or may not be things that I have. I'll just let you know if it's a GOT IT and LOVE IT or a I WANT THIS NOW!!! kinda thing. Ok? Moving on...

1. FitBit ~ http://www.fitbit.com/comparison/trackers

The FitBit One

 The FitBit Flex 

The FitBit Force

Each one measures your distance, steps and calories burned throughout the day. They all track your sleep (I'm not sure I need a device for this, I have 3 kids, I'm not sleeping enough). They all come with an alarm clock to wake you from your sleep. Again, I have kids, I don't need anything to wake me or keep me up. Syncs to a Mac or a PC. Pretty easy to track your activity etc. They all run on a rechargeable battery. Pretty nice since button batteries are dangerous to keep around small kids and expensive to replace. And last but not least, they all come with applications for tracking nutrition, workouts and can let you set goals! The prices range from: $99.95 to $129.95 (the FitBit One, the FitBit Flex and the FitBit Force respectively). I WANT THIS NOW!!! The Force does all of this and can fold laundry. Or at least it should for the price. It's gotta be the best one on the market for that price right? I really need to test drive one of these!

2. Water bottles ~ If you're working out, you're drinking. WATER! So you need a water bottle. I am all about reuseable plastics and right now this water bottle is AWESOME!

I do NOT have this bottle, but someone could buy me one. I also like this one,

the HydraCoach. It measures how much water you've takin in that day. Pretty neat, but I have my own system. DRINK like crazy. Water weight does come off. If I over drink water, I may need to use the rest room a lot, but I won't get fat. With winter right around the corner, a good water bottle is a must because you want it clean. CLEAN. If it's going through your dishwasher, those fancy ones with filters etc just won't work. Get a BPA FREE good plastic bottle that you can steralize in the dishwasher and reuse it. 

3. Apple iPod ~ I love my iPod Nano 16GB. It's pink, like this

The best part of this is that it's rechargeable, it has Nike Fit on it (a pedometer is included) and it can shuffle! So I use this when I refuse to use my Nook Color or my Kindle Fire. It's just good stuff.

Last but NOT least

4. MyFitnessPal mobile phone app.

I use this every day. EVERY day. It's my lifeline. I track all my major meals on it. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and Snacks. It has a barcode scanner to help find items so that you can add them, it's got a great selection of fitness (cardio and strength training). It has a main wall so you and your fitness buddies can keep track and motivate one another. It's just like a daily diary that narks on you. But I love it. Can't believe I didn't like this before this year. Best thing I ever did. Don't have a smart phone? Use it online! Myfitnesspal.com Thanks for listening to me whine about what I want. I have a huge case of the gimme gimmes.

It's Coming!

It's coming! My 9 month weigh in! Monday, November 11th will be my 9 month weigh in. As of today I'm at 77.8lbs lost. I need to drop 2.2lbs in 6 days. I average 2lbs a week, but this is pushing it. Chances are I'll break and eat something super salty and my water weight will fluctuate and I'll be super depressed come Monday, but I'll give it a shot.

Current weight: 181.2
Goal weight: 159
Weight to go: 22.2lbs

A weight of 164 will make me officially a "healthy weight range" so 17.2lbs to go!

Motivational Monday, When the heck was that?!!

Motivational Monday has come again, that dreaded day of the week. I hate thinking of motivators because really, I chose to do this to be healthy. Yeah, there were factors, but I never thought my weight loss would go this far. I sold myself short thinking that I'd just like to get into the 180's. I'd just like to no longer be obese. I never truly believed I would get there or that it would be so easy. Yes, I have to eat right and work for it, but is that so hard? I guess if you have no self discipline it could be. I've found a happy medium and so far I haven't slowed down.

This Monday my motivator is the desire to fit into the old clothes from my early high school post junior high days. The last size I can accurately remember were 14's. I wore a size 14/16 when I met my high school boyfriend. I was 14 wearing a size 14 when I started high school and when I graduated I was 18 and wearing a size 16. My boyfriend was a huge fast food junkie and he never drank water. It was pop or nothing for him. So of course I pretty much went from walking to see friends and eating what Mom had at home, to riding to and from school in a car, and eating whatever he chose for dinner that night. I wasn't at home much and my health went out the door too.

I'm currently between a size 10/12 and I can't remember wearing that size. I'm sure it was in junior high, I'm talking early teens here. I know that I always thought I was fat. I always hated my body. I know that when I sat down I felt embarrassed and ashamed of my legs. I had chunky thighs. I hated it. I don't know when I truly gave up and thought I was just destined to be fat so why try? Regardless, I'm getting healthy and I'm back to where I was then. Whenever then was.

Current weight: 181.6lbs
Goal weight: 159lbs
Weight to go: 22.6lbs

Just a side note, not related to tonight's post, over my long weekend I watched several BBC documentaries and one was, "I'm a teen anorexic". I hate to say it, but I find I can identify with a lot of what those girls were going through. I've hated my body since I was young. Food, eating it, was never an issue with me. It was always how I saw myself that was the issue. These girls see themselves and fat. Ugly. Unworthy. Their need to avoid food and exercise beyond what's normal is easy to understand. I don't starve myself to lose the weight. But I can identify with how they feel. It was sad to see them suffer with how they see themselves. Perhaps it's body dismorphia that I feel, but I cannot see what others see. I still see 259lbs Yvette and not what I am now. I really hope that it will change. But I cannot see how far I've come and all I can see is how far I have yet to go. That really scares me.

Halloween Do Over and the size M victory!

Our Halloween do over was a HUGE success! The first Halloween since moving into our home that we've had so many kids! We've been here 5 years and each year I could count the kids we've had on my fingers and toes. I rarely get over 12. But this year we had 28! I can only assume that the numbers were due to the weather (it was warmer in the high 50's) and that the wind stayed down. It could also have been due to the fact that so many kids around here do trunk or treat at school or church on Halloween and they don't go door to door anymore and were free to use the extra night for bonus candy. Either way, it was great!

All 3 of our kids dressed up this year. Grace was a mermaid, Benjamin was Thomas the Tank Engine, and Liam was a monkey. They each took a pumpkin pail and Bill took them around with the wagon and a pillowcase to store extra haul. He claims they fell a lot getting out of the wagon and he thinks some candy was lost that way (not really gonna cry over that), but they managed to bring home as much candy as we had purchased to give away. I always create baby safe baggies (lunch bags with low sugar, peanut free and choke safe snacks) and then kinder bags. Bags that have around 6 pieces because small kids get tired more quickly and therefore hit fewer houses before heading home. The older kids get the left over assortment and they usually get between 3-5 pieces depending on the rush. No one is disappointed at my house. With Bill's decorations even the adults have a good time.

From left: Benjamin (3), Liam (2) and Grace (5)

My witch costume (you can even see my 75lb weight loss gift here. A Pandora bracelet from my husband's Aunt Marian. It has a blue (you're a star) charm and a garden gnome. I love gnomes). 

On to the size M victory!


Friday I got out my "new" cardigan. Little fact: I enjoy sweaters and cardigans. Being a fat girl for so long I developed a love of layering clothes to "hide" my fat. It didn't really mask it, but actually just tried to cover it. Anyways, the cardigan in question was purchased in September when the fall clothing was set at our local grocery department store. I loved it as soon as I saw it. A full zip grey cardigan. Pockets and a high collar. Adorable. Amazingly the size L fit and I wanted it. So, despite the fact that I really could wait for the purchase, I bought it. Anyone around this part of the country could tell you, that when buying fall/winter clothes it does not pay to procrastinate. All the good stuff is snapped up in a hurry cause it gets cold fast. Well, that darn L sweater was getting big. I've noticed it before. I like to wear them to work to "hide" myself and lately that zipper area has looked stretched out. It has a bulge in the lower belly area that makes me look fatter than I really am. So I asked Bill to be honest (not something men are known for regarding women and weight questions). The old, "Honey, does this make me look fat?". The answer was, yes. So, when we went out for some last minute groceries I scoured the racks for my cardigan. Low and behold! They had a few left and on clearance for 30% off! There were 2 mediums and I happily purchased 1. I'm not planning for the future, so if and when the day comes that my M no longer fits, I'll happily go back out and buy a S. I long for that day.

Saturday morning and it's rainy and dreary and I'm, dah dah dah dah!, wearing my new M cardigan! I also had another great weigh in today bringing me so much closer to my goal. Another amazing achievement, Bill and I both weighed in at 183 after lunch. That, was FANTASTIC! Finally I weigh what he weighs and I am no longer heavier than my 6'2" husband. I'm getting there.

Current weight: 181.6
Goal weight: 159 (100lbs less)

Healthy goal of 164 for no longer over weight.

Current BMI: 27.6
Overall body weight lost: 29.88%

SHAZAM!!!!

Here are some pics to enjoy!

Down 77.4lbs today!

Me wearing my size 12 women's jeans

My size M cardigan

I love fall and winter clothing!