Finally making the mark

December 23rd was a special day for several reasons, it was the start of our Christmas festivities and it was also my son's birthday, but this year it was also the day I made my 90 lb weigh in goal! I'd love to just mash everything up here and go on with my day but I'll break it down quickly.

Since I was a child Christmas has always been broken up between families. This year was no exception. Monday the 23rd we celebrated my son's 4th birthday and then Christmas with my mother in law. It was a nice little gathering and I enjoyed it. We plan to celebrate my son's birthday, again, on the 24th with my side and then Christmas. And on Christmas day we're having lunch with my father in law and later that evening we're expecting a visit from my husband's aunt, who is also in possession of my 90 lb weight loss goal Pandora bead. I don't mind that our holidays are like this. It makes them small and sweet gatherings. It feels more personal and less chaotic.

But enough about Christmas for a bit...

Our first son came into the world in a stressful time of my life. I had lost my job and found myself pregnant within the same week. I had no health insurance to speak of and the state Medicaid program took a long time. They left me uninsured for 8 months and it wasn't until 1 week prior that I received it. My doctor called to make complaints about how long it was taking and they looked into why I had yet to receive it. Turns out the processor marked me as an illegal alien and denied me. Well, I turned in my driver's license, a copy of my life birth certificate from the State of Michigan and a wedding certificate also from the State of Michigan. I'm an US citizen by birth if not marriage. Well that turned around quickly and so the date for Ben's delivery was set. I had opted for a c section because Ben was turned feet down. As it happens it was lucky that I chose that delivery method because his chord was around his neck 3 times. A breech birth could have caused strangulation. But here he is:

Benjamin Wallace, born Dec 23rd, 2009 

And last but not least here is my weigh in:

So as you can see December 23rd was a busy and memorable day. 

Current weight: 168.4

Goal weight: 159 (lbs to go, 9.8)

I an 4.4 lbs over weight 

It's coming!

This morning, after my weigh in, I'm full of anticipation. I want to scream, cry, shout with joy and jump up and down like a child with sheer abandonment. I have finally, FINALLY, gotten under 170 lbs! The satisfaction I feel would be intensified only if I had reached the 169 mark, but unfortunately for me the scale was not that generous today. 169.6. Now .8 oz is half a lb and my bathroom scale will say .8 if you're close to a half lb and if slightly over will round you up to the nearest half lb. IF you're just under a half lb it will tell you so, but if you're say just 2 oz from a whole lb it rounds you down. SO, I'm stuck and 169.6 or a 1/3 of a lb. 6 oz is all that stands between me and my 90 lb weight loss mark today. Peanuts is what it is. Peanuts...I hate peanuts.

I guess it's kind of my fault. I have been taking it rather easy lately. But with all the holiday hustle and bustle I'd rather not burn myself out and quit altogether. We have been eating out a bit, even though I make healthier choices and skip options like pop, french fries, sauces, or chips. But the salt, it adds up. Over the next few days it should start to drop off. I'll get there, but if I don't watch the salt on Christmas eve and Christmas day I'm in trouble. Fingers crossed. Soon. 

Completely Burnt OUT ~ Friday Free Write

Today I'm burnt out. It's not that I can't work out, I just don't care to today. Which has been my attitude all week. I'm burnt out from being sick (which I've been trying to hide), 3 kids being sick (they always seem to be dying at night, you know, screaming crying the works), work overload thanks to last year stuff, and Christmas stuff at home. Today is also my last day of work before my vacation and I'm planning to use the time off to do some serious working out. No really, I am. I like to do 30 minute sessions, but with time constraints during the work week I just can't do that without getting burnt out fast. Starting Saturday I plan to do at least 1 hr and 30 mins of walking with jogging. I need to kick this body into gear. 11 lbs to go and I want it bad, but I've got to find the motivation to do it. Is there a store for that?

Last night my hubby agreed that it's time for me to once again purchase a smaller size of work pants. When and IF I get them, they will be a size 8, which is the smallest I've been since my pre-teen years. I'm looking forward to this moment, however, with as lazy as I've been the last week I know I don't deserve it. I just hope they fit. My current 10's are sagging in the butt. While some people like them slack, I don't. I like form fitting pants. I wish I could wear my yoga pants all day. Love those things.

I must find a way to hold myself accountable. I have to get these workouts in. So here is my schedule:

Sat 1 1/2hrs: INCOMPLETE
Sun 1 1/2hrs: INCOMPLETE
Mon 1 1/2hrs: INCOMPLETE
Tues 1 1/2hrs: INCOMPLETE
Wed (Christmas day)
Thurs 1 1/2hrs: INCOMPLETE
Friday OFF
Sat 1 1/2hrs: INCOMPLETE
Sun 1 1/2hrs: INCOMPLETE

If I don't drop the last lb to my 90lb goal I'll be so sad.

Trying to grab up the pieces

I'm at a difficult point in my journey. I'm trying to drop weight around Thanksgiving leftovers (the desires of everyone to keep those yummy treats around their desk and in the office),  a major work overload that has me stressed to my max limit, and the looming nightmare that is Christmas dinner or dinnerS as we are prepping for 3 days of entertaining, cooking rich foods and EATING those foods. I'm a wreck, and I'm emotionally eating right now. I confess to sneaking chocolates (in moderation) and eating the foods that my hubby makes even though I know they'll probably throw me thanks to the salt. I'm human and I'm failing. Sorry.

The last 2 weeks I've been trying, with little success, to get on the treadmill and make this weight loss happen. Today I'm at 170.2, just 1 lb shy of my 90 lb goal. I want to make it before Christmas, but it's looking like I may not make it. 11 lbs stand between me and my ultimate goal of losing 100 lbs. 6 of those lbs are "over weight" lbs. I need to drop 6 lbs before Feb 11th to pass my health exam with perfect scores on all the required info. I have come so far, but I feel like I've failed so miserably.

Now, there are plenty of people who will tell me that they'd like to be where I am right now. But I'm in a personal hell. I've lost so much weight, that my body looks weird to me. I have stuff hanging and I can pull it up and look smooth. I want to fix it, but I'm afraid that the Dr won't agree that it needs to be done. Which is ridiculous because I've lost so much and that kind of weight loss leaves marks. I hate what I look like, and the weight back on would fill me out. Like a deflated balloon that just needs blown up again to look all pretty and shiny. A stretched and worn out sad balloon. That's me. So I'm going to force myself to celebrate my accomplishment today. Today I'm going to relax and just take me time.

Current stats:


Current weight: 170.2
Goal weight: 159

Weight at which I'm no longer over weight: 164

Taken 12/19/2013 at 7am

11lbs to go!

Motivational Monday ~ Anon

I'm late but that's to be expected. I sat down to write yesterday but ended up reading the blog entry by Runsforcookies.com. Kate is a local, (she lives in the same town as I do), and has already gone through the journey I'm on. I read her stuff daily as it inspires me and reassures me that I'm on the right track. Her post from Sunday was about her evolution as a runner. I've been really drinking up the stories from other runners and I just had to ask her, since she was also heavy when she began, how she started to run and finally become a marathoner. Her response to that was, I started to run and after I couldn't run I walked the rest of the distance. Each day she'd try to run a little longer. I think I can do that. However, today is not going to be my day. I can't shake this unbalanced dizzy feeling I have in my head. I've had some sinus drainage and I can't help but wonder if I'm coming down with something. So for now it's fluids and rest.

I'm still working on the water weight I gained thanks to Asiana's fantastic shrimp pad Thai that I ate on Saturday. I didn't eat badly, but by the next morning I had gained 3lbs and for lunch that day we finished the chicken fried rice so it wouldn't go to waste. So Monday I was up another 2lbs. 5lbs of water weight. Monday I spent the day eating right, did half a workout and drank drank drank water. Today I've managed to flush out several lbs of water weight. Tomorrow is my 10 month weigh in date. My good weight on Saturday (pre-Chinese takeout) was 171.8. I'm at 174.6 so I'm getting back down there. That's a huge difference from yesterday's weigh in at 177.4/8. As you can see, I store water like crazy. I'm not stressing because as long as I make my 90lb weigh in by December 25th I'm going to be a happy camper. My plans after that are to 1. celebrate with NON salty food and 2. schedule my consult at Henry Ford with Dr. Donna Tepper. I'm just so nervous about that consult.

~ I'm dreaming of a new treadmill! ~

I've been watching Craigslist.com for a treadmill in my area worth buying second hand, so far no luck. I don't want to pay 50% or more of the cost of a new treadmill for something that's been in someone's garage for years or their basement for that matter. Most of the treadmills look ancient. For a $300 I can get a new Proform from Wal-Mart. I'll just keep watching and waiting for my spring vacation check.

The week from heck!

This week just seemed to be more hectic than usual. I blame the time of the year. December has always seemed like a whirlwind and life seems to throw a few curve balls just to make it more interesting. My workload has increased at work due to Christmas decorating and cards that must be sent. Christmas parties have the executives out of the office and their work is left unfinished on their desks which means longer hours spent at the computer for me. I'm looking forward to Christmas this year because I've scheduled the week off WAY back in January. This is my first BIG vacation and I'm taking it at home with my kids. It'll be crazy, but I can get up, make toaster waffles and hot cocoa and we can snuggle and watch Christmas movies. My hubby has been given Christmas eve off and Christmas day which is wonderful. He will likely have a make up day, but I will love all the family time.

I did my workouts this week, Mon, a partial on Tues, Wed, Thurs and Fri. I ate well and I have had a few nice weigh ins. Here is today's

I'm so absolutely excited about this! I'm 3 lbs away from my 90 lb weigh in goal. 3! I can do this before Christmas I swear! I actually joked with my husband this morning that the only thing that would make me feel better would be a good weigh in, but that I'd probably have to lop off a limb. Glad I didn't cut that arm off after all! 

This coming week will be even more hectic and I have a funeral to attend. I'm very sad to see this person go, but his quality of life over the last several years had gone down hill and that's more difficult to see. The showing is Sunday, funeral mass and burial are Monday. I have work as usual on Monday and either Monday or Tuesday I have a TON of make up work in accounting. Thank goodness I got my work done Friday night and blew off my Friday Free Write. I have over 300 corporate Christmas cards to address and send off and I'm sure the executive secretary will want it done Monday. It shouldn't take more than an hour or so, but Monday is my day to take care of the finish division paperwork from the weekend and so now Tuesday will be worse. I try to think of my job as a balancing act. Each job is just another ball that I have to keep in the air until it's done. 

I'm looking forward to some family time this weekend. I think Grace is going to be gone tonight but I'm sure that her trip out on Sunday is canceled due to the funeral. I just hope that the next few weeks don't cause a stress binge eating spree. Food is my go to comfort item. Fingers crossed y'all! I want that Pandora bead. It's a Christmas pinecone and it's already been bought for me. Shows how much faith these family members have in me doesn't it? ;)

Stats:

Start weight: 259

Current weight: 171.8 (8oz = 1/2lb) 

Goal weight: 159

Weight to go: 12.8 lbs 

Weight lost: 87.2 lbs 

Current BMI is 26.1 goal is 24.9 or under  

Weigh in Wednesday ~ Late as usual

My weigh in Wednesday is late, but with good purpose. I wanted 2 identical weigh ins to confirm my weight and today I got it and here it is!

I'm pretty excited about this weigh in. 1. It shows that over Thanksgiving and my anniversary that I did eat well and stick to my calories despite the "treats" I had and 2. It shows that diet is just as important as the workouts that I should have done. I've been telling people that diet is key and the workouts are just to get myself moving and to act as a safety net on bad days if I cheat a little. I lost over a lb through the last week just eating and staying active with no workouts. Yay me!

Monday I started the week out strong and did a workout but it HURT! Apparently I pulled a groin muscle or something. Each and every step was painful. Tuesday I tried to get up on the treadmill and it wasn't happening. 15 mins in I quit. It just didn't seem worth the pain. I was upset with myself and I comforted myself with the last of The Allegiant by Veronica Roth. I must say, I'm sad about the ending but at least she ended the trilogy and there shouldn't be a follow up years later. 

Yesterday I spent plenty of time working with the executives and I found a few things out. There are runners where I work! I'm not sure my employer would like me to share names so I'll just leave it at this, the fact that they are runners took me by surprise. Both are extremely healthy and have active lifestyles, but I was shocked. 1 ran a half marathon in 2012 and the other completed a full marathon (26.2 miles) as a bucket list race. Both said it took dedication and lots of training. Neither had a trainer and ran at home or on a track. One thing I got was the message that it would take dedication from not just myself, but my family. I never thought about it like that. Training would take up to 2 hours or more a day. I have 3 little kids. Who is going to care for my kids while I train? No one. So, since I have work, housework and kids to care for, how will I ever become a runner? I probably won't. But I'd like to throw out a race bucket list just for the heck of it:

3K, 5K, and a 10K for good measure. I'd love to do a half marathon but 13.1 might be more than I'm capable of. 

Another accomplishment this week is when I finished Allegiant I also finished my reading challenge of 104 books. Unfortunately, Goodreads.com only counts  96 of those because I read 8 of them twice. Hey, a good book is a good book and I'll read them time and time again without batting an eye. So I'm on the hunt, AGAIN, for the next great read and this time I'm buying. I feel I've done a great job this year and I'm feeling pretty darn entitled. 

Current weight: 173.6

Goal weight: 159 (14.6 lbs to go)

I'm 9.6 lbs overweight! I'm in the single digits! 

Motivational Monday ~ Getting out of a rut

It's been 6 days since I hurt my back and tomorrow I will be getting back on the treadmill. Thanksgiving has come and gone and so has my 6th wedding anniversary. I managed to avoid binge eating and actually lost weight! I felt like I didn't earn it, but to see a lb and a half come off with just my diet is reassuring that I'm on a good path for the future when I want to maintain my weight.

I'd like to just share a few of the things I really want right now.

1. I want to complete a race. 5K, 10K, half marathon and one day a full marathon. I know it's not impossible, but it's not going to be easy. I want it, so I will do it.

2. I want to like what I see when I look in the mirror. I don't want to just be ok with my body. I want this extra skin gone and I want to feel confident when I step out of the house without shapewear on. That stuff is terrible.

3. A new treadmill. I want to jog/run without feeling like I'm on concrete. Mine is breaking in two points from stress and the belt is starting to slip. Eventually it's going to die, I'd like to be prepared.

I'm feeling down right now due to not working out. I'm looking forward to it. I feel bad that I haven't done it, but with my back out of whack it just wasn't advisable. And I need to get down to training for this 5K. After a chat with the company CEO I want it more than ever. Last year the company CEO ran a half marathon. 12.1 miles. I can't even run a quarter of a mile. 5 minutes is what I'm good for. For now, I'm going to take his advice and just keep working at speed and endurance. It will all come together in the end.

My anniversary dinner was amazing. I stepped out of my comfort zone and wore a dress. I felt like a million bucks. Absolutely felt wonderful when my hubby saw me. I can't figure out if his face was a good surprised look or a bad one. I'm not sure. I couldn't get much out of him but we had company so I couldn't get a good response. I tried though. Dinner was great, I only wish I hadn't eaten so much darn sushi. I'm a sushi fiend so it was gone quickly. Left the wasabi though LOL

I am so looking forward to Christmas this year just because I feel like we did a good job with the presents. However, I'm not looking forward to dinner again. The food sets me back and thanks to Thanksgiving I only reached 7.5lbs of weight loss for November. I need to drop another 5lbs by December 11th for my 10 month weigh in. I should be at 90lbs but it's so darn hard.

Here are my stats for the day:

Current weight: 174.4
Goal weight: 159
Weight to go: 15.4lbs total of which I need to drop 5.4 by December 11th. I'm sure I won't make it, but that doesn't make me a failure. This journey will take time and I'm so close. Even if I only end up dropping another 1lb I'm still that much closer than I was this time last month. Every lb a victory every day I don't quit is a gift to myself.